Many of these headlines appeared in OR were reported in the London Free Press, and I can personally vouch for them. Others were reported in various online sources. The parenthetical comments have been added.
Always proofread and reread with care!
Man clings to life after fatal blast
Public education must remain pubic.
Fat police target pop for U.S. sin tax.
[speaking of syntax....]
Complaints about NFL referees growing ugly
[maybe they could wear goalie masks?]
Book drive to fight literacy
[And clearly succeeding]
High school swimsuit ban applauded by coaches
[This should increase attendance at swim meets]
Here's how you can lick Doberman's leg sores
Kicking baby considered to be healthy
[small animals are also good for building strong leg muscles]
Air head fired
[But she's, like, totally going to sue for wrongful dismissal]
Babies are what the mother eats
Last Red Army general in country warms U.S. of "impossible" mission
[It's good to warm somebody up to an impossible mission]
Plot to kill officer had vicious side
[And on that note:]
-Study finds sex, pregnancy link
-Infertility unlikely to be passed on
-Larger kangaroos leap farther, researcher finds
-Alcohol ads promote drinking
-Low wages said key to poverty
-Some phone psychics provide useless, erroneous information
-Something went wrong in jet crash, experts say.
-Plane too close to ground, crash probe told
-Federal agents raid gun shop, find weapons
-If strike isn't settled quickly, it may last awhile
Whatever their motives, moms who kill kids still shock us
"A purple lady's bicycle was missing from Serendipity Lane recently"
[The owner should be easy to identify]
[it reminds me of a personal ad I saw years ago, from a woman with "shoulder length brown hair and eyes"]
County to pay $25,000 to advertise lack of funds
"He hasn't even had his day in court yet, but Simon Wynne has been kicked off the ESU basketball team after being arrested and accused of driving a parked car while intoxicated."
[...but he will be allowed to play from the stands]
No one killed in fatal crash.
Drunk Gets Nine Months in Violin Case
[But a Cello case will be substituted with good behaviour]
Stolen Painting Found By Tree
["Shrubbery charged"]
Two Sisters United After 18 Years in Checkout Counter
[I know I was in this line...]
Child's death ruins couple's holiday
[and they lost their travelers' cheques, too]
Volunteers search for old Civil War planes
[Historians weep]
Miners Refuse to Work after Death
[Well, they should all be fired, then]
Utah Poison Control Center reminds everyone not to take poison
[Utah continues its fight against evolution]
Cooling children with severe brain injury may not be the best means of treatment
[What happened to a cold beverage and a dip in the pool?]
One-armed man applauds the kindness of strangers
[Though not very loudly]
Deer Kill 17,000
[That should teach those hunters]
Enraged Cow Injures Farmer With Ax
[She's back. And this time, she's not giving milk....]
Court rules boxers are indeed underwear
[I'd like to see the briefs on that]
Legislator wants tougher death penalty
Amazon burn claims confirmed to be sexed up.
[Winner, Most Incoherent Headline, 2010]
Butts Arrested in Boob Murder Case
[Not much the reporter could do here, since Kermit Butts of Potter Township, Pennsylvania, really was arrested for the murder of one Samuel Boob.]
Head pehd pehdpeh
[Why we proofread: the headline was supposed to read "Raptors completely outplayed by Rockets."]
Half of U.S. High Schools require some study for graduation
[and this is a Good Thing]
